Let’s all just agree that this phrase finally needs to be retired.
Whether it’s coming from a recently rejected, self-proclaimed “nice guy,” or women who just claim to want a “nice” guy, I’ve officially become tired of hearing it. Here’s why:
Men, every genuinely “nice” guy that I’ve ever met has one trait that seems to come across stronger than most– that is, humility, and a lack of self-pity. By claiming that your being a ‘nice guy’ is the reason you were rejected/dumped, you’re exhibiting a distinct lack of both. Rejection just happens. As a woman, I’ve been rejected by men quite a lot, but how annoying would it be if I kept whining that, well, they all must not like “nice women.” Yes, that MUST be the reason he’s not interested. It couldn’t possibly be due to a lack of physical attraction or incompatibility… He just likes the “bad” girls. As a woman in my 30’s who’s dated her fair share of men, I can say with zero hesitation of the men that I’ve ever heard utter the words “nice guy” to describe himself, that ALL were unequivocally NOT “nice” by any stretch of the imagination. So maybe I’m jaded… but in my experience, if it quacks like a duck, it probably just wants to be called a duck. I’m going to stop myself before I start getting too personal with my experiences on this, but I’d be interested to hear other women’s perspectives… before you do however, read on.
Ladies. Do you really want a ‘nice’ guy? REALLY? No, you don’t. You’re either a realist and you understand he’ll be flawed, but there are certain characteristics that he MUST have- perhaps it’s honesty, maybe a mama’s boy is a deal-breaker, or you have specific career requirements he must have attained. Don’t act like you don’t have some super subjective ‘requirements’ also. I know you do. He can’t have freckles… he has to be at least six feet tall… his name can’t be the same as that crazy cousin of yours (because the name caused it, duh)… Now of all of those things, you also want nice. Um. No you don’t. But relax. I’m not going where you think I am. I don’t take the side that women want the ‘bad’ boys either (because that would bring my hatred of the word nice into such an inverse that I’d be forced to circle back and like it again. “Say WHAAAAT?”
I know your tricks.
Women don’t want a nice guy. We want an awesome one. We want to be blown away by his integrity, his selflessness, and ok, maybe his looks. Assholes don’t get dates unless its from a woman who doesn’t know the difference. So stop trying to be tough. Stop trying to look like a fighter– unless you ARE a fighter, and if that’s your hobby, cool, lets hear about where you train, who you’ve met, etc. Stop posting pictures of yourself on dating sites shirtless, with an angry look on your face like you’re going to hurt someone. When I *was* dating, those were the first guys I’d avoid.
And you’re the same guy who’ll walk away saying, “nice guys finish last.” To which I’ll quietly high-five myself and thank God that I dodged THAT bullet.