I’ve recently become single. So, in thinking about my future, I came up with a list of things I WON’T do as a recent dumpee.
1. I won’t email the fling from several years ago. Yet. If it’s going to work out with him in the future, turning him into a rebound is probably not the best first move.
2. I won’t badmouth my ex. Forget for a moment that he broke up with me and that I still very much love him, I don’t think the breakup was his fault… it’s almost never the fault of just one person. We have a pool of shared friends and he says that he intends on maintaining a relationship with my daughter (as she’s told me, he’s like another father to her), there’s just too much drama in any alternative… he really is a good man. He’s flawed, and I’m flawed. We couldn’t do it.
3. I won’t beg for him to come back to me. There’s a side of me that thinks if I just say the right things, he’ll realize he was wrong and it was all just a big misunderstanding and come back. The reality is that even if he did, I’d never be satisfied that he wanted to be there… and then there’s the whole self-respect issue. I’d like to keep a little bit of it.
4. I won’t allow myself to be alone too often. I’m a native Californian living in NYC (yeah, I moved for him… but judge carefully friends, him and I had been living together in California for a year prior to the move, and had been serious in our relationship for several years prior to that). I need to take advantage of all of the opportunities I have while I’m here. There’s no shortage of things to see and do, and if I end up leaving to go back to the West Coast, I won’t regret making the most out of the time I had here. NY vehicle registration is good for two years. Maybe I’ll stay for two years… but I really miss my So. Cal beach… and ohhh… some bangin Mexican food!
5. I won’t tell everyone right away about the breakup. This is for my sanity more than anything else. I don’t know how I’d handle every one of my friends calling me at once and having to relive the whole story. Right now, only a small handful of my closest friends know. Our mutual friends would only know if he told them, and I don’t see him doing that. It also leaves the door open for my ex and I to figure out how our post-breakup ‘friendship’ is going to work out. IF it works out.
6. I won’t worry about finding the right man. I’m 31. I’m more prepared to meet the right man than I ever have been before because now I know myself better, I’m more comfortable in my own skin, and I’m in general more ME than I ever knew how to be before, and from this, as in all bad things, I’ll grow even more. Anyways, finding a mate is not my priority. My one and only priority at this moment is to find a permanent, stable job that pays me enough to afford even a modest home/condo big enough for myself and my daughter. I don’t even care where. That’s it.
7. I won’t buy a pet. I’ve actually been pining for a little puppy to keep me company for a few months now, forget the relationship or being dumped, that’s not new for me, but in reality, for now, plants will have to keep me company. To be honest, I think they do better because there’s no mess, and I won’t have to get up early to take a plant to do it’s thing while I freeze my ass off. A pet will come later… much, much later.
8. I won’t punish myself by listening to sappy love songs or watching lame romcoms. I’ll focus on comedy, or my favorite: Quentin Tarantino movies. Or any gangster movie ever.
Ok, time to fill up the calendar!